realizations iii

Five realizations upon seeing "Across the Universe"—

5. Yep, still don't much care for the Beatles.

4. In 2007, repetitious full frontal nudity, strong sexuality, and rampant drug use garners a PG-13 rating.  Not that I am against full frontal nudity or strong sexuality.  Quite to the contrary.  Still, if I know American parents—and if anyone does, I do—most don't want their 13-year-olds gaping at this stuff.  In fact, pretty much everything parents of 13-year-olds fear when it comes to their children fall into two broad categories: sex and drugs.

3. Only present-day Hollywood (especially those who went to Oberlin during Vietnam) could present such transparent rhetoric and expect us to swallow it as an enchanting, "against all odds" love story.

2. Bono looks terrible.  I didn't realize how ancient he had become until seeing this film.  And Eddie Izzard isn't holding up well, either.

1. Modern "progressives" are apparently just as insane and/or drug-addled as they were back when they called themselves "hippies" forty years and ninety pounds ago.

A response to the filmmakers—

I know how proud of yourselves you are for creating a masterpiece.  Likely, your shoulders have become dislocated and your backs bruised and raw.  But this film is not an artistic triumph filled with subtle symbolism and striking visuals.  Rather, it's utterly obvious.  It's simply literal.  It's much too easy.  Art is none of these.

I know how proud of yourselves you are for making a statement.  But your film is not cutting-edge commentary on the horrors of war, a lone voice crying against the tyranny of American imperialism.  Plainly, it's all been done before.  Many times.  (And frankly, I am still patiently waiting to meet the person who's ever thought of war as anything but gruesome and horrible.  But I digress.)

I know how proud of yourselves you are for crafting an allegory.  But, shocking as this may sound to you and your Boomer ilk, we don't live in the 1960s anymore.  The world stopped playing by '60s rules long ago.  Case in point: no one crashed planes into buildings filled with innocent civilians forty years and ninety pounds ago.

Other than all that, nice work.  That Evan Rachel Wood sure is easy on the eyes.